Go on a diet again!! BIG TIME!! People are telling me: "Oh my gosh Keisha, bumabalik ka na ata sa dati!! Ang taba mo na!!" and I'm like "Crap! ayoko na kumain!" I ate and ate the past few months, I forgot na!! I don't wanna sayang naman my efforts in the past so YES! DIET MODE ON! GAME ON!!
Eat LESS junk food!! Please naman!! I want healthy food na!! kaso.. I don't know how to cook so GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!
TRAVEL, TRAVEL, and STILL TRAVEL!
Spend LESS, spend LESS, spend LESS esp. coz what I'm spending is not my money naman!
Be INDEPENDENT! Financially!! Echos.
Find work that will give me one hell of an adventure!!
Go to mass again! I have been sooooo bad at this thing! Because my house in Manila is sooo kakatamad! but no excuses for this, dapat magsipag ako!
Go to Baclaran Church and...
MAGING MASIPAG!! I wanna stop being lazy but it's really sooooo HARD!!
Since I have nothing to do here in Naga, I was able to watch Mano Po 6 and I Love YOu, Goodbye the other day!! wohhooo!! I know. I'm JOLOGS!! So BOO me!! It's not like I really care.
Trust me, except for Mano Po 2 which I loved because our family was medyo can relate much, I hated all the other Mano Po's!! SUPER!! Parang ano ba toh?!? But Mano Po 6? whoa!! I kinda loved it. and No! It's not because I'm can relate much nanaman!!
I liked Mano Po 6 because it brought the limelight to the lives of Filipino-Chinese in the country. Yes, I am one. So somehow, I was can relate much pala!! I loved it when they asked "pano kung magkakaanak na kami, paano ko papalakihin ang mga bata? Bilang Chinese o Pilipino" and the mom said, "bilang tao." I loved it. I loved it. And oh, need I say it again??
While watching the movie I was thinking "yeah.. so true!" I mean, c'mon people what's the deal with Chinese people and half-Chinese people? In my opinion, having grown up in a family exposed to both cultures, neither is really superior! There are things I loved about the Filipino family (but papa's family is not really the practicing type coz' dada is half-Spanish eh..) and there are also things I loved about being Chinese!! Like what I said in my GBF essay a few months ago, these cultures.. when studied and practiced, can form a very beautiful culture which we can practice here in our beloved country.
I used to ask myself the same question. Do I want to marry a Filipino? A Chinese? Or a Fil-CHi also like me? I have always believed that if I marry a Filipino, as in pure blood Filipino, baka maloka ako sa cultural practices!! coz' frankly, nababaduy-an ako sa iba! Pag Chinese naman, I might be criticized and helloh!! some practices, di ko din kinakaya!! Pag Fil-Chi., baka ok na din coz then more or less, pareho kami ng pagpapalaki.. but after watching the movie, who cares right?!? all that matters nalang talaga pala is LOVE, LOVE, and more LOVE!!
It's 3:15 and yes I am still up! seriously! I think I have insomnia na!! My eyebag problem is not getting any better! At this rate, it's definitely not gonna get any better any time soon!! I should really make that my new year's resolution!
so i decided to write instead. and reflect on my 2009. and the lots and lots of things that I need to be thankful for! yes! despite everything that happened this year, I do believe that still, I have lots to be thankful for!!
This year, some of the things I am thankful for are..
My GBF scholarship. GBF is one of the best things that happened to me. EVER! In my whole 22 years, I know that yes, this truly is a one of a kind experience. A once in a lifetime opportunity. I came to GBF thinking that in the end, I will learn Chinese and be able to live in Shanghai.. on my own, without (ok, with little) support from my parents.. but then when I started the program, I realized that there was something more, something I was bound to treasure.. something that was genuine.. and so yes,
I am thankful for the new friends I found this year.. the 40 from GBF and all the others I have found. Friends always make me feel blessed. They make me feel how lucky I am. They make me feel safe. Old friends remind me of who I am and where I came from, new friends remind me of what I can still be. Friends, both old and new, always inspire me. To dream. To believe. To continue going on in my never-ending journey. In my crazy encounter with life, with destiny, and so much more.
I am thankful for the courage I had to leave my old job in IMS. Much as I loved IMS, I knew that I had to stop. I just had to. To find time for myself. To learn, to rediscover, to see what more is out there for me..
The chance to be with my 40 fellow scholars in Shanghai! Yes! I am excited to be spending my days with them.. lazy Sundays, hyper days.. and whatever!! I know it's gonna be fun! I just know it! wohhhoooooo!!!
I am thankful for the lessons learned no matter how bad the circumstances were..
One of the biggest lessons I've learned perhaps is how to accept the death of a dearly beloved. And learn how to move on with life. Yes, my 2009 was probably mostly about dada.. and all the lessons I've learned and realized, I realized after her death.. The importance of family, the importance of friends, the importance of life.. and just living it because as papa said during her wake, "we only live this life once and not twice."
Our family has always been close to each other. No matter what, papa always made sure we dropped by dodo and dada's house whenever we are here in Naga. On special occasions, we would also call them up, dada's death last September only made us closer.
I also realized the importance of friends. Of having people who will comfort you when you badly need it.. even when you don't tell them. Of having people to run to whenever you just feel like running away from it all! When dada died, I didn't wanna be alone in the house when sina tita and dodo left for Naga, and so even if I was super late, I went to school.. it was soooo hard to explain to the others who didn't know what happened.. The night she died, it was just sooo hard to tell people, to tell relatives that dada was 'dead na..' be it on the phone or through text, it was just hard and so even to those who knew, why I was there.. still, it was hard to explain why I was there.. but deep inside me, I knew that I was there simply because at that point and time, I just didn't wanna be alone.
The biggest lesson I've learned this year is how life goes on. How to live life to the fullest. How to love and live every single minute of it. Because that's life.. this is life.. and no matter what we do, there are things we can only experience once.. there are also things we need to be ready to face.. Last Dec. 22 as carolers sang Christmas songs in our house, one asked about dada.. and we all got teary-eyed remembering her.. Our Christmas changed too.. before it would be automatically celebrated in Canda with dada's specialties.. this year, dod didn't know what to do.. tita was hesitant.. we didn't go to Canda. Instead, we went to the cemetery. And it still brings tears to our eyes whenever we hear The Prayer, whenever I pass by Manila Doctor's, whenever I hear about lymphoma and all the things I saw during that 1 month in the hospital. Now I know how it feels. Totoo pala.
People are slowly accepting this fact I guess.. but yes, 2009, you taught me how to value each and every person in my life. You taught me how to savor each and every minute that I have to live. And slowly, you are teaching me how to move on with life!!
It's Christmas time once again! Time to EAT and be MERRY, EAT and be MERRY!! I am soooo bloated and so once again have to go on moi holiday diet after!! Oh, oh, oh!! Forget diet, it's the season to EAT UP!!
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! Once again I was awed at the awesome-ness and kindness of a certain someone today!! SO to that someone, I WISH YOU A MERRY, MERRY, WONDERFUL AWESOME-FILLED CHRISTMAS!! You made me believe once more in your genuine kindness. YOU ROCK, DUDE!! Hope I get the chance to bump into you once more!
As the new year comes, there seems to be lots of new things for me next year! I am just so excited!! Submitted by Fudan application earlier to sina Ms. Joey and Lira.. suddenly I thought about the GBF for the nth time since after our vacation. So thought about writing about them (matagal na toh dapat) while waiting for my TBL to load..
This is my GBF family. All 40 of us plus our charming teachers from China and from Ateneo. We were separated into three classes: Shanghai (the advance class), Xiamen, and Beijing (the basic classes). I initially belonged to the Beijing class due to some accident they made daw while doing the list. I got transferred to Xiamen (my clique) while the people in Shanghai class (some of them, at least) are my "school bus-mates". So basically, I got the chance to get to know a lot of them on different levels! I consider myself lucky. So lucky!
In GBF, I have found some sort of an older brother figure in some people - one who has shown so much care at times when I badly needed it. And I am just thankful.
I met some people who I feel comfortable sharing a part of my life with. That part which I do not tell anybody. This person, gave me a hug when I needed it most. A hug that made me feel secure, that which made me feel safe. At that time, I knew I will forever treasure this person's friendship.
I also met one who reminded me of who I really am. One who showed me the me before. That part of me that I've always been looking for these past few years. The person who made me happy, the one who made me find myself.
There was also one who has the same experiences with me. One who is facing the same problems as me (di nya pa nga lang alam..). One who helped me when I needed help. One who makes me feel empowered. One who inspires me and shows me that it is okay.. that everything will be okay.. and that no matter what, friendship is what is more important than anything else in this world..
And of course there is also that one who showed me.. how it is to be truly kind. How to always be ready to lend a helping hand. How to stay on the sidelines, but always being ready to take on whatever it is that needs to be taken care of.. again, one who has shown me how to go back and find myself once again..
There were also those who were just so fun to be with. Being with them for the past 5 months, I know that I have grown so much! I have truly learned so much. From their personalities, stories, and from their being them lang.
GBF, you are truly an experience of PERSONAL GROWTH for me! and this, perhaps, is what is more important to me right now. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!
I am excited to start living in Shanghai! With my GBF classmates, with my Xiamen ban clique! I just love my clique so, so, much! I am excited to party with you guys, to travel, to learn, to spend my lazy Sundays with you, and so much more! I am sure that with you guys, no day in those 5 more coming months will ever be boring!! kahit siguro mag tinginan lang tayo, fun pa rin!!
People ask me:
"Keisha, ano ba talaga? Nasaan ang puso mo?"
And putting all malice aside, I know I can easily answer that question. Because my heart, has and will always be with Xiamen ban and the people in this class!! Because THE CLIQUE ROCKS!!
It's that time of the year again! That time when people do nothing but eat and be merry! Eat and be merry! and did I mention that they eat?!? I am back home! Ah! Naga love! but I have nothing much to do here but clean the house, prepare for some parties and attend some so I usually find myself with nothing to do in the afternoons!! And at times like these when I'm bored, I EAT!! and this is BAD coz just now, my tita told me that I'M FAT!! So I seriously have to concntrate on some newfound addictions na talaga!!
Here's some..
So glad I bought this book before I left Manila!! Ah! the romance of gay love! Plus the businees-y side of it all as he tells his story of how he made money (and lots of it, take note!) by searching for, and selling Birkin bags the world over! soooo cute!! Recently, in Manila, there has been this much ado about Hermes! Obviously, because of the opening of that wonderful, wonderful store in Greenbelt! So it's not surprising to see a lot of books na in Fully Booked about.. (need I say it again?) Hermes!!
Also, found this charming new show called The Beautiful Life!! on youtube nga lang!
this show is SUPER! If you loved Gossip Girl, I am pretty sure you'll love this too!! Mischa is soooo pretty. Ngayon ko lang sya na appreciate! Don't know why CW cancelled them though.. good thing there's youtube! You seriously have to watch! wala lang it's nice!! which reminds me.. have to finish pa pala How I Met Your Mother.. pretty cool too!! I just love Barney! Don't you??!! YOU'RE WEIRD IF YOU DON'T!!
Recently I've been coming back home more often. But the circumstances were not always very pleasant. During my past few visits here (Naga), I have truly experienced what it was like to take on that 9 hour bus ride, or 45-minute plane ride with a heavy heart.. as well as with a tinge of excitement! Naturally, I have always favored the later.
A few months ago I came home and took a 9 hour bus ride to home. It was, no questions about this, the longest ride of my life going back to Naga. Fiesta air was abuzz. But the excitement was not really into me. And everytime people would ask me afterwards if I went home for the merry occasion, I would always say "yeah.. but it was for a different reason." You see, I wasn't really one who would really go home just to celebrate the fiesta. This year was an exception.
A month after and I found myself once again going back home. It was November. All Soul's Day. Papa asked us to go home so that we can go to the cemetery. It feels so weird pala if you actually have a loved one to visit on this particular occasion. Before, we would often be in Carolina instead.. swimming, eating.. just having fun.. Dada used to love going there. This year though, we visited her.
My next trip was during the bagyo. Literally, a very long ride. The 9 hour bus ride became an almost 24-hour affair! Ah! The life! sa sobrang haba niya actually, nakilala ko na at naka chika ang katabi ko sa bus! traumatic. Just plain traumatic!
Now I'm back here in Naga.. somehow now with so much excitement for the holidays.. and the short-lived vacation I have before Shanghai.. Whatever happens, there is always that calling.. that particular feeling/emotion that makes one excited for home.. My life may be fast-paced in Manila compared to my life here.. but my life here just carries with it this particular charm that I always, always look forward to living once again every so often. And this is why I don't think I will ever, ever, be completely happy anywhere else in the world!!
Today I got an interesting gift from a friend! So I THANK YOU!! Like what I said in FB, rarely do I get surprised by the things people give me.. they usually give me arte stuff coz perhaps they know na i'm arte!! and i just lovett!! Sometimes they give me books.. but these are often the books I write in my wish list.. if and when I do feel like writing down anything!
In GBF, to make life easier for my dad, which was Carlo pala, I wrote that I wanted Dear John by Nicholas Sparks.. I wrote it a little too late na so no, i didn't get that book!! I thought someone was gonna give it to me instead when I saw the powerbooks thingy this morning.. but to my surprise..
But when I opened the gift, halooo!! this was what I got!! 'The Science of Sexy'!! I was soooooo surprised!! It's whole different kind of book genre from the ones I usually do read!! So when I got home, knowing the ADHD me when it comes to gifts, I immediately opened and browsed through it!! Searched the net for reviews.. and now am seriously thinking of pulling an all-nighter to read this book!!
it's 2 in the morning!! and i just woke up 2 hours ago!! I have a paper due on Tues. like major paper but i feel sooooo lazy to lift a finger to start any work!! my mind is empty! paper progress is 0!! this is why i need to work out of the house!! because here i have tv.. and internet.. and oh! my bed!! i'm still taking care of my sleeping disease!! the kind where you just wanna sleep all the time!!
It's 2 in the morning and my mom texts me to tell me to video call her because she just arrived from a party!! talo pa ako sa social life!! me.. stucked home on a friday!!
Mom: Achi, there's this nice aerosoles wedge sa newspaper today..
Me: ah.. yeah.. so?
Mom: it's parang peep toe na reddish.. ok? do you get me?
Me: ah.. yeah.. what do you want me to do??
Mom: tom., if you have time, can you go to aerosoles and check it out for me?
Me: MOM!!! i'm sure madami sa aerosoles reddish na wedge na peep-toe!! and besides you never use it!! why do you want it??!!
Mom: wait lang.. nakikita mo ba ako? kukunin ko yun dyaryo to show you..
Me: eh.. hindi mo naman ginagamit!! aanuhin mo yan??
Mom: eh anu ba! kayo nga hindi ko pinipigilan to buy stuff na hindi nyo ginagamit! and malay mo ba.. i might use it din..
(shows me the pic...) ok? sukatin mo ha if malambot or comfortable.. check how much then text me..
ay! yay! yay!! how can i have a very arteh mother!!!! so in short, talo nanaman ako! and tom., or one of these days.. i am aerosoles-bound nanaman pala!! OH LIFE!!
I honestly don't know why people say that 'friendship is the best stage to start a relationship!' seriously! it complicates everything! messes up with your emotions, much more your brain!! I am soooo confused with this. don't get!
it's better pa ata if you're left with that what-if factor.. at least in terms of lavadeedoo.. because then you get the chance to be kilig and all! because if you're friends, what do you get?? nothing but that feeling of knowing that forever, nothing will ever become of that hope!! that feeling that you can hope and hope.. wish and wish.. pray and pray hard.. and that in the end, there is really nothing in there! nothing. nada. zero! In short, asa ka pa girl/boy!! ASA KA PA!!
In this sense, motto mo na: 'dream on! dahil walang masama managinip!'
Feeling: crappy!! crappy all the time!! what with all that wishful thinking and stuff!!
I don't know with you but me, I hate it! I hate it, I hate it soooo, soooo, much!! It's so powerful though that it can change you! and even if you don't like it, it will freaking influence you to do crazzzzyyyyyy things which will make you tell yourself: "crap!! I shouldn't have done that! napahiya nanaman ako!"
what.the.eff.keisha!! kasi naman.. just forget diba!
i am tired and i am bored. when i am in school, i feel happy. but also pressured. when i see my classmates doing their papers already, i feel pressured but also ashamed! ashamed that i am so lazy compared to them! but then again, something always, always, inspires one..
wherever we are, something always inspires us. i make it a point to designate something to be my inspiration. to motivate me to wake up everyday early in the morning. with gbf, i sure had one as i not only needed to get out of my bed! i also had to learn how to get out of the house at 7:30 AM and commute to school which takes me almost 1 hour!! ah! life! it is so hard!!
but then again, sometimes, people do some things for all the wrong reasons. and yeah.. i guess during these times, we cannot do anything but be in control. control our feelings. control our emotions. so that in the end, we remain focused. focused on what we really are here for!
i've been there, i've done that. and now i know.. that i don't ever, ever, wanna be in the same place. at least not now. i need to focus. to concentrate. because in the end, i know that this thing, if continued, will really do me no good. NO GOOD AT ALL. in the end, there is nothing in it for me. and yes, i guess, i am afraid. afraid that now that i have found myself once again, i will loose it one more time. afraid to get lost for this thing, which i believe is so not worth it.
so now everyday, i have to convince myself to focus. and focus. and to just get over it fast!! but dude, you sure aren't helping!! you're so not making it easy!! ;-)
we were talking earlier.. i was talking to different groups of people..
for girls: which one do you prefer girls, the VOLVO or the FERRARI???
and for guys: the HOT & SEXY or the CUTE & CHARMING???
Moi?? I go for the VOLVO!! haha.. girls, I think, when we're young would really prefer the FERRARI.. as it's exciting, cool, young and what-not! It's ANGAS, in short.. but as we grow up, we'll realize.. 'ay, mas gusto ko pala si VOLVO!! mas class.. mas pang matagalan!! ELEGANT-EH!! haha... ;-)
And guys.. will always be guys.. I am not a guy so I really don't know!! BUt I think they'd choose the cute & charming over the hot & sexy??? hahaha.. BOO ME! I am so biased!! You see, I was NEVER A FAN OF THE HOT & SEXY!! I ALWAYS WENT AFTER THE CUTE & CHARMING LOOK!! feeling ko lang mas dala ko sha!!
a girl on TV said, 'when you are diagnosed with cancer, come straight to Fu Dan.' She said this at the risk of antagonizing the doctors here in Manila. I agree with her.
When you are diagnosed with cancer, and you know that this place holds what amount of hope for you and your family, wouldn't you do it as well??
Let me tell you this, when one of your family is diagnosed with cancer and whose buhay is may taning na, you don't really think anymore. Whatever doctors tell you to do, you do. Whatever they tell you to pay, you pay. Whatever reason they give you, sensible or otherwise, seems and sounds sensible to you na! In short, you don't really care anymore. Mentality: Just do whatever you can do to save her, please!!
When you are diagnosed with cancer.. yeah.. this is good if the diagnosis comes early. But in some cases, it just comes at a time when it's already too late. Too late for you to decide. Too late for you to prepare. Too late for you to understand. Too late to live. And months later, just when you thought you're okay na, you realize that still, there is that one part of you missing. And that it still hurts. That it still hurts so much to remember.
When Dada was hospitalized, I realized so many things! Among these is the fact that when sickness chooses you to be its victim, esp. the big C, you don't really have any choice. You can fight a good fight. But chances are, you will loose all you've got.
When she was hospitalized, we were referred to the best doctors. We were given the best of whatever options they can give us.. but still.. we weren't able to do anything. Nothing. We just had to wait.. and face that fateful day last September.. and try.. live and try to live our lives without her..
So I say, when you are diagnosed with cancer, go straight to Fu Dan. The doctors here were good. I'll have to admit. Very helpful! But Crap... sorry for the bitterness.. but it took them 3 long weeks to confirm what they initially suspected to us!!
This is the kind of thing that makes me say.. WHAT THE HELL!!
I mean people!! this is Edu Manzano we are talking about!
Yeah he's cool, Mr. Suave and all.. but please naman! even I know that it takes more than huli-ing piratas to be the VP of a Republic like ours!!
Ow.Ehm.Gee talaga!! As in highest level!! This is why people would choose Loren over him! This is why Mr. Palengke is going to win!! kasi naman.. iweigh naman sana natin noh.. dahil kung kagustuhan lang talaga ang pag-uusapan.. I AM SURE, MAS MARAMI PA JANG QUALIFIED NA GUSTO MAGING VP O KAHIT NA PANGULO PA NITONG ATING BANSA!! pwede ba!! Common sense!!
Note to Mar: LALABAN TAYO!! DAHIL NOW MORE THAN EVER, KAILANGAN TALAGA LUMABAN SIR!! I SWEAR!!
MR. EDU, your jokes are benta talaga to me.. as in!! the papaya thing is cool.. game KNB is okay.. but pls. sir.. think about it! is this really what chu want??? ok na sana e..
So remind me again please.. what Mr. Edu has done aside from allegedly catching pirata DVD sellers (dahil seriously!! ang dami pang pirata sa streets! kahit nga sa malls!)..
because as far as I am concerned, the first thing that comes to mind when I hear his name is..
THE PAPAYA SONG AND SANCE NUMBER!!
Now that was cute!! But not VP CUTE worthy!! sorry nalang talaga!!
Edu Manzano: Surprise move, good choice
Philippine Daily Inquirer First Posted 01:33:00 11/14/2009
MANILA, Philippines – Edu Manzano’s decision to run as the vice presidential candidate of the ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD caught the Liberal Party (LP) flatfooted.
“We were surprised,” LP campaign manager Butch Abad said, adding that Manzano was supposed to have been listed already among the party’s nine senatorial aspirants. (Its complete 12-member slate will be announced before Nov. 30.)
“We were aware that Manzano was getting overtures from Lakas, [but] we continued talking to him,” Abad said.
Nevertheless, Sen. and LP president Mar Roxas wished Manzano well.
“Best of luck to Edu in 2010. Welcome to national politics. He is a worthy opponent,” said Roxas, who is himself seeking the vice presidency.
“I trust that Filipinos will choose their candidates based on a strong platform for real change,” he said.
‘Good man’
Ousted President Joseph Estrada had also earlier named Manzano among the 12 persons running for senator in the ticket of the Pwersa ng Masang Pilipino led by himself and his running mate, Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay.
But he said Manzano was a “good man” whom he had known for a long time.
“He is qualified to run for the second highest position in the land,” Estrada said during the Davao del Norte leg of his “Lakbay Pasasalamat” sortie.
Binay, who was with Estrada in Tagum City, said Manzano’s entry into the vice presidential race was “welcome.”
He also said in a phone interview that voters would have a bigger variety of choices with the addition of Manzano.
Still, he expressed surprise at Manzano’s move.
Said Binay’s spokesperson Lito Anzures: “It is also good that this early, we can identify those who will stand by their principles and those who can be swayed by political pressure and enticements.”
‘Exciting race’
Sen. Manny Villar, the standard-bearer of the Nacionalista Party (NP), said it would be an “exciting” vice presidential race with the entry of Manzano.
Villar has yet to identify his own running mate, whom he described as “popular” and “good.” He said he would make the announcement, along with the NP senatorial slate, next week.
He declined to answer when asked if Sen. Loren Legarda of the Nationalist People’s Coalition was it.
Legarda, herself a declared vice presidential aspirant, said she was glad that administration standard-bearer Gilbert Teodoro had found a “suitable” running mate.
She described Manzano as a “gentleman” and said she “sincerely” wish the tandem well.
‘Show biz lineup’
In Baguio City where he addressed a convention of cooperatives in the Cordillera, Senate Majority Floor Leader Miguel Zubiri said he hoped the Teodoro-Manzano tandem would boost the stock of the administration slate in 2010.
Zubiri said Manzano’s nomination as the ruling party’s vice presidential candidate completed its “show biz lineup.”
He added: “It’s an exciting tandem. They’re both handsome men. Add to the mix Sen. Bong Revilla, who is leading our senatorial slate. It’s truly show biz glamour.”
Zubiri’s earlier planned nomination as Teodoro’s running mate was briefly discussed at the convention.
“They offered me the vice presidency but I was too busy at the Senate,” he said, adding that he declined the nomination during a Thursday forum with President Macapagal-Arroyo and party leaders at Malacañang.
Zubiri said the party leadership accepted his decision because he had “something important to do next week—[shepherding] the 2010 national budget through Congress.”
The Palace has been pushing a P115-billion General Appropriations Act on an election year.
Part of shortlist
Manzano had been shortlisted along with Zubiri, Revilla, Legarda and former Sen. Vicente Sotto III as a possible vice presidential candidate, according to Baguio Rep. Mauricio Domogan.
A member of the Lakas-Kampi-CMD national executive committee, Domogan said Manzano had to be formally affirmed by the party assembly on Nov. 19.
Unless there are “exceptional reasons” working against Manzano, he would likely get the assembly’s endorsement, Domogan said.
Reports from Fe Zamora, Christine O. Avendaño, Michael Lim Ubac and Allison W. Lopez in Manila; Vincent Cabreza, Inquirer Northern Luzon; and Frinston Lim, Inquirer Mindanao
some people just don't get it. they try so hard. but trying so hard is weird. awkward. dangerous!
people differ in so many ways. most of them differ in their personalities. i believe in not making the simplest things complicate my life. i believe in standing up for what i believe in. but also in knowing when i need to just hang around especially if the thing is no matter of life and death. i will admit that sometimes, i really do just 'go with the flow.' because if the matter is just so, so simple na i won't die naman, then, what the hell!! so be it!! let's make them happy, right?!? you see, unlike some people, i don't really have much issues in my life!! thank goodness!! i am just soooo over that!! and all that drama!! ECK!! ;-)
you see, unlike some people, i don't like drama! i can be quiet, i can be noisy, i can be gentle and rowdy.. but never, never, dramatic!! i swear!! please.. don't ever tell me na (something i can't really tell you pala..)! i don't know how others take me to be.. but in the end, it's only me who can truly tell myself who i am!! plus, the people who's been with me through these years.. of course!! naturally, you, you, and you can all tell me what you think of me.. na i'm always 'go with the flow' and what-not but so what!! i will forever think that you are just inggit!! Friend, the key word here is accept!! ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE SO YOU CAN HAVE A REALLY FUN LIFE LIKE ME! WITH NO DRAMA! WITH NO ISSUES!!with particular emphasis on the issues please..
not all people are like me. i know that. i respect that. but some people are like me. and when they are, the i guess, it's all good, we jive! but then again, i jive also with those who are unlike me!! because that's them and this is me!! we're different. and that's what makes this life soooo interesting!! PLEASE!! LET'S NOT TRY TO CHANGE THAT!! ;-0 Friend, this is me. If you can't respect that, then, please.. better shut up, back off.. or stay and learn how to accept because nobody can really change me!! ESP. NOT YOU!! It will take someone MORE IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE THAN JUST YOU!! So in short, if you can't accept me, then, what the hell! I don't really care!!
again, A is A and B is B. U are U and no matter what you do, you cannot really be anybody else except yourself!!
Ay!!! now i'm kinda pissed thinking about it!! imagine, one random guy telling me that i am always go with the flow (with bad connotation, of course!). that, according to him, i'm always, always like that!! what.the.hell.dude!! Question lang ha..
FRIENDS BA TALAGA TAYO??
REMIND ME AGAIN PLEASE KUNG KELAN LANG KITA NAKILALA???
i need a break!! this is my break!! i've been studying since 9 P.M.! this is the first time in a long while!! I feel like I'm back in my high school because I'm studying Han Zi and not theories.. theories.. and zzz..
I've been thinking of so many things lately..
1. Am really happy that Dodo is happy we ( me and my sisters ) learned a lot from living here in Manila!! He is naaawa to us though.. but it's really weird how I thought, all along that my life here was normal.. until last Nov. 1 when I went home for All Soul's Day and heard him tell everyone: "you know, ang buhay niyang mga yan sa Manila, nakakaawa.. gising na sila ng 5 or 6 naliligo na.. si Keisha, ang school, ang layo layo nagccommute.." LOL. True enough. I realized just now, I've come a long way. I've learned a lot. Most of them, things I would have never learned had I stayed in Naga.
So now, question is, should I move on and learn bigger things? Or is it time na for me to go back?? Hay.. confusing!!
2. To buy or not to buy. There is this one thing I really, really, really like. But I promised myself I will not spend anymore and start learning how to save na! But it's hard! It's so hard. Like what tita said to dodo last Nov. 1.. LOL.
3. ... secret ko pala toh kunyari!!!
4. I-CARE, papers.. GBF requirements!! Sometimes while I'm eating dinner, bigla na lang an idea would pop in my mind.. but when I sit in front of the computer to write it down, nawawala na sila!! ARGH!!
5. Shanghai.. Shanghai.. Oh, Shanghai!! Need I say more?!?
Note to self: I am supposed to write this down in Chinese!! WTH!!
My stay in GBF has so far been so good. I am happy to be here. Happy that I am here. Happy that I got this one in a lifetime opportunity to be in a program such as GBF.
I guess I cannot deny the fact that I am happy in GBF. I truly am. Ever since I got in and started school last July, I have not had any problems with the way they run this whole thing. Except maybe now that the papers are getting quite a little confusing. But aside from that, I have none. Zero. Nada!
Ever since I entered GBF, I have discovered a part of me that I've been wanting to discover. Ever since joining GBF, my life has become more exciting, more fun. Though our classes are the same every single day, still, I look forward to each and every single day I spend with my GBF classmates.
Joining GBF has been more of a journey for personal growth to me. True. I really wanted to learn the language too so as to reconnect and rediscover my Chinese lineage, but I guess, more than that, the reason why I am truly in this program, is so that I can grow up. So that I can learn more things from more people. So that I will learn to listen to the stories of other peoples' lives as well as grow from the experiences that they bring with them.
It is hard to define the me that I am slowly rediscovering now. It feels like I am on a big adventure. One big thrilling adventure. Where I am realizing the real essence of how to truly live life one day at a time. And hope that someday, somewhere, I will reap the fruits of my labor. And believe. Just believe. In others, in myself. In just about every single thing that makes up my life. Believe.
In the three months I've been with GBF, I have learned that I do not necessarily have to be no. 1. While it is true that sometimes the attention you get from being on that top spot can be wonderful, sometimes, it is not what will make you happy. Just not what will make me happy. In these 3 months, I have learned to accept some of my weaknesses which I've come to realized ever since joining the program and slowly cope.. and work hard so that they can eventually be my strengths. Again, I do not necessarily have to be the no. 1 or the best. I just have to be me. And live my life the way I want to. Unafraid of what others think. And to just have fun. 'Coz in the end, that is all that matters. That will always be what will keep me going. What will continue to make me confident that what I am doing is right. That what I am doing is truly what I want to be doing. Not before, not in the future, but what I want to be doing right now!
In these 3 months I've been with GBF, I've experienced another face of what it means to be working and co-existing in a diverse culture. I just love diversity. If in IMS, I experienced diversity in terms of culture, in GBF, I am in an environment filled with people from diverse background. Different people, different backgrounds, different personalities, different cultures and so much more. And yet co-existing in one big group that is the YYP (Yin YAng Pandas). Amidst all the diversity, amidst all the silent air of competition, still, one sees how each and every one makes an effort to help another. How to be happy in one another's company as well as take solace and comfort from one another whenever we feel down.
It sometimes amazes me how some people can form strong friendships in this short span of time. Honestly, I myself have also found some people whom I can trust. People who I share my feelings, secrets, and what-nots with. It truly is amazing. But I guess sometimes, you just have to really believe. Believe in the magic of friendship as well as in the magic of life.
I truly am lucky. More than lucky, perhaps, I am blessed. For going to Shanghai is easy. Studying can also be easily done. But I guess what makes this program truly unique and wonderful as it is, is the company of my fellow 39 other scholars. Truly, it is an amazing experience. It is an amazing journey! And such, I truly hope that we can still be together for the remainder of this program. That we can all be together in Shanghai.
Now my essay for Han Zi class is probably not gonna be like this! Oh, if I can only write all these down in Chinese, then, that is one less problemo for me!! But I am excited for Friday! I truly am! Halloween party in the halls of Rosario! Oh yeah! I'm also going home that day!
Tomorrow, we shall have a mock test! I am supposed to be studying but what the hell! here I am - blogging!! Oh life! And I thought yesterday was the start of my geeky life!!
Back in college, I had a friend who was a scholar. Like true blue scholar. She was smart and she always, always, studied hard! I admired her. I had to. I was never like that! At times, I would even go to our class without knowing that we had an exam. Cramming was always my thing! It is what works best for me. Studying was truly a very alien concept for me. Much more studying every night. And so to amuse myself, I would often say that I am also a scholar. Yun nga lang, scholar ng nanay at tatay ko ang drama ko!!
3 months ago I got accepted in GBF and became a REAL SCHOLAR like my friend! I was so happy. You can just imagine! I was so proud of myself. Just the thought of hearing it made me happy!! Ako, scholar?? Oh yeah.. Ang sarap pakinggan!! Sobra!!
But 3 months after here I am, being forced to study almost every night and definitely not by choice I tell you!! To study, I have to sacrifice hanging out with my friends.. I am afraid one day, I might have to miss some of my daily addictions such as 1.) Facebook, 2.) Chuvaness, 3.) Gossip Girl (okay so that's more like weekly), 4.) soap operas, SNN and so much more! Obviously, I am addicted to a lot of things! Now, I think, I am slowly developing an addiction for Chinese! Oh, yeah! AS WEIRD AS IT SOUNDS, all my thoughts are almost in Chinese now! Sometimes when I buy something I wanna tell the cashier XIEXIE instead of THANK YOU!! I text my mom sometimes in Chinese, and there are also times when I find myself wanting to take notes in Chinese! It's weird I tell you! But if you are in my place, then, I guess it's all good too!!
I find myself weird nowadays! Weird that I study almost every night. Weird that I always think Chinese. Weird that I get pressured to study! If you had classmates like me, you will be pressured too I am sure. But it's okay.. it's still fun!
Now I come home tired.. rest for awhile.. check out some stuff in the net.. and resume to my Hanyu stuff once again! So that, my Chinese schedule is not really 9-4 only!! It is, sa totoo lang, a whole day thing! It is starting to become a lifestyle! And so I tell you.. mahirap ang buhay tunay na iskolar!! Sobra! Masaya man sya, mahirap pa rin!! ARGH!! But it's okay Keisha.. think Shanghai! think snow!! Plus, the great company you will have!!
So, remind me again please why I wanted to be a SCHOLAR in the first place?!?
For the first time since college thesis days and my crazy days of watching and perhaps more like being addicted to watching Korean novelas all night long, I've been up for almost 24 hours now!! Crazy, right?!? I know! But I guess, like what my friends said, "what's new, Keish?"
It was around 9 PM last night as I was preparing to study when I texted my friend who lives in the same building. At 10:30 PM, I found out that apparently, she was sad. ;-( She was feeling blue and she needed a drinking buddy. I, on the other hand, was feeling lazy! So to cut things short for both of us, I ended up going to her place.
I usually feel l like I need to study now. But there is no ... I need it! I need it bad! ASAP! I wanna study. Be inspired. Feel "back to school" but hell, it needs to come soon!! As in!! So chika, chika, and more chika and when I checked my watch it was already 4:00 AM. I had to go home. But I was supposed to wake up naman at 4:30 because we were leaving by 5:30 so I didn't sleep na. Just blogged and downloaded stuff.
Now, as a result, I have been having weird LSS episodes! LSS included: anything Michael Jackson, Insomnia, I Gotta Feeling and Boom Boom Pow by BEP, Calle Ocho, and what do you know, NObody by Wonder Girls and 2NE1 songs!! Weird! I know! I am. I truly am. That's me! In fact, I think when one day I wake up na hindi na ako weird, then, that's not me anymore!! Hala! I don't know that girl na!!
Went to school. Di na din ako nakatulog because of classmates and chika.. ang kulit ko, ang hyper!! may bago pa ba!! ARGH!! Life, oh life, kelan tayo magbabago?!?
It was Sir Nic's birthday yesterday so we went to his office pa after class!! HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR NIC!!
Just got home exactly 57 minutes ago. My hands can't resist the computer. The internet!
My mind is uber sabaw and so writing mode once again.
And so here I am blogging. Instead of sleeping.
Instead of doing my Compre HW.
As I said earlier, I need .... Until that comes, I am in deep trouble! But I shall inspire myself. My classmates naman always inspire me with their determination.
So Jia You Keish!! Jia You!! Good Luck!!
Now, it's time for me to stop blogging and convince myself to sleep! hay..
It's been almost two and a half months since I started going to my GBF classes!
Oh, school!!
Some days, I feel tired. Some days, I feel so bored. Some days I feel inspired but some days, just plain lazy also!! School is like school, school. Like old school. And it doesn't even compare to my high school days!! It's like studying my elementary years.. going all over elementary years over again!
Our lessons are like my Grade 3 Chinese lessons! But it's cool! It's actually working like that of a refresher course for me! Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I would suddenly remember sentences, characters, and whatever stuff!! Most days now, I feel bored in school.. I need inspiration!! And in times like these, I just think to myself: "3 more months.. 3 more months.. Shanghai, Shanghai.. and oh the wonderful, wonderful plans I have in my mind together with some, or maybe most of my classmates!"
And so I've decided that I will study hard now!! Study, study, study. I-CARE, I-CARE, I-CARE mode.. Pray, pray and still, pray that WE ALL GET TO GO TO SHANGHAI!! After all, it is quite obvious that each and every one of us gave up something for this! And is doing their best to learn Han yu. And though some of us did not necessarily apply to the program to learn the language, I do hope and pray that someday, they will see it's importance. And not take this opportunity as just "one big mistake" as some would say. Because I still believe that "in life, there are no mistakes. Only lessons to learn."
As for me, my joining GBF surely, definitely was not in any way a mistake. To say that it was one of the best things that happened to me in my 22 years is probably an understatement! At 22, GBF is PERFECT for me!! Perfect time for me to take a break.. think.. and perhaps, find myself once again. Time for me to discover a part of me that I've long been looking for! And true enough, 2 and a half months into the program, I am, truly, rediscovering myself and loving it!!
So school, oh school!! GBF, oh GBF!! I will forever be grateful!!
YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS I'VE EVER GOT THIS YEAR!!
YOU MAKE MY LIFE MORE EXCITING!! MORE FUN!! MORE MEANINGFUL!!
EVERYDAY I GET INSPIRED TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING..
AND SEE WHAT MY GBF SCHOOL DAY HAS GOT FOR ME!!
IT MAY JUST BE ANOTHER BORING DAY AS I REMEMBER MY OLD CHINESE LESSONS,
BUT THE LESSONS I'M LEARNING ABOUT MYSELF AND OTHERS..
ARE TRULY WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY, CONTENTED, PROUD!!
AND TO ME, THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS MOST.
Mike Padua, yesterday said that you will be with us for the next two weeks!! I LOVE!! PLease, please.. please do stay!! Show us that you are more powerful than all those typhoons who want to enter my dear, dear country! I am sure the people will also love your heat!! After everything that happened, I am 110% sure that nobody, as of now, will ever wish for more rainfall! We've just had more than what we can ever take!!
It's Saturday na today. And tomorrow, I am Manila bound! The bagyos made my stay here super fast it's almost like nothing happened! Now, I need to get back once again to my books to do my ting li homework.. my compre and spoken books and notes to review on our past lessons and read on future lessons! Luckily, hindi nadala ng bagyo ang aking new, refreshed, CHinese knowledge!!
Ah! I miss life! Normal life. Without the typhoons, without the rain, without everything depressing! I think I will avoid watching the news first for now.. dahil ako ay nappraning!! Like what happened last night! Watching the news nowadays really, really, makes me crazy! and sad!! And I don't need to be a psychologist to know that those things, when combined, are dangerous! Super dangerous!!
Ah! Manila life starts once again tomorrow! So many cancelled plans! So many things to attend to once again!!
GBF days resume Monday! Missed lessons, wasted time!! Now it's time to catch up BIG TIME!! And November is coming so, so fast!! I have a feeling.. that November is gonna be one stressful hell month!!
Now, question is.. do I really want Monday to come?!?
It's been raining all day! Oh, Life! I used to love the rain! The wind is just so cold! I love it! But not now. Not anytime soon perhaps!
It's been raining all day here in Naga. Our house is a mess! I feel like I cannot do anything. And yet, at this rate, still, water has not yet officially entered our house.
I got hungry earlier so I looked for food. Here we are, stucked at our second floor, eating. Not as easy as any ordinary day since we had to look for left over food and be happy with what we got plus a little junk food and canned goods, but still, we had food. No matter how hungry I am, food, any food I eat for that matter, does not appeal to me! I feel that the food is bland. I am not enjoying it. Reason: For every spoon I put in my mouth, I cannot help but think of the conditions of those who were affected so, so badly by Ondoy.. and now, Pepeng! When will all these ever stop? Have we not suffered so much from the wraths of Ondoy that Pepeng still had to come?? I don't know!! I really don't know na what to think!!
Now, here I am. A lot of people have been texting, asking if I am okay. Let me just clarify. I am okay. We are okay. We usually have baha downstairs everytime there's a typhoon here but still, we are okay. We were prepared. Always have. The drainage system here in Naga is good and so our only worry is the overflowing of the Bicol River. Unlike in Manila where we need to worry about every single thing! OUr families, our friends, and most especially, those who were affected by Typhoon Ondoy. They haven't even settled yet and then here's this one again!! Ready to take on whatever's left of the people in Rizal, in Marikina, and in all the other places where water is still high!! OH.EM.GEE!!
God, please save us! Help us! Especially those who need help most!!
three things are making me SUPER SAD right now!! Super sad that no amount of shopping therapy or rest can ever help as of now.. It just continues to bother me and make me sad over and over again!! Three things!!
One is Ondoy as I have mentioned in my previous entry..
Two is Pepeng.. who is just about to enter the Philippines.. According to my friend, sabi daw sa news.. "it can destroy a concrete house".. Let's pray!! Oh Lord, what is happening to the world?!? Help us, please.. save us!! Please spare us.. everyone and esp. those who have already lost so much..
and three, is the article below.. just learnt about this last night from my parents.. I AM SUPER SAD!! Guys, help me pray for them.. PLEASE..
Ex-Abra governor nabbed in Makati condo
First posted 16:46:16 (Mla time) September 02
, 2009 Abigail Kwok INQUIRER.net
MANILA, Philippines – (UPDATE) After weeks of search, police have finally arrested former Abra governor Vicente Valera in Makati City late Tuesday night, police said on Wednesday.
Valera was nabbed at a posh condominium unit at Unit 3K, Hidalgo Towers in Rockwell, by elements of Task Force Bersamin at around 10:30 p.m., Philippine National Police Director General Jesus Verzosa said.
Elements of Task Force Bersamin served the arrest warrant for frustrated murder and two counts of murder against Valera, but was initially met by resistance from Valera’s daughter, Anne, said Director Magtanggol Gatdula, head of the task force.
“We were initially met with resistance from her daughter, who claimed that Valera was not there, but we were 101 percent sure he was,” Gatdula said in a press conference.
Eventually, Valera willingly presented himself to police and was brought, without handcuffs, to the PNP Custodial Center where he was placed under detention. No bail is set for Valera’s temporary release.
Valera has an arrest warrant for the 2006 murder of Abra Representative Luis Bersamin.
Meanwhile, one of the accused, Sgt. Leo Bello, surrendered to authorities in Camp Karingal Wednesday afternoon with his wife and son, said PNP spokesman Senior Superintendent Leonardo Espina.
Gatdula said police are still looking for the last remaining suspect in the incident, identified as Jerry Turqueza.
Bersamin’s daughter, Chary, welcomed the arrest of Valera, saying, “We have never stopped praying for this time.”
“We are very, very thankful that Valera was caught already. It is so hard for me to remember again what happened with my dad. With his arrest and the movement of our case, our family will finally be able to fully recover,” an emotional Chary told media.
During the conference, the Bersamin family gave P500,000 to an informant who pointed Valera’s whereabouts to police.
Gatdula said that Valera initially expressed willingness to surrender in December 2008, but because of an “intervening event,” the former governor instead went into hiding. This “intervening event” was the confiscation of several high-powered firearms from Valera’s vehicle, Gatdula said.
With Valera’s arrest, the police are confident that the death of Bersamin could be resolved.
“This case is a confidence-building measure to ease whatever political tension remains in the province of Abra, which has long experienced a dark history of political violence particularly during the incumbency of Governor Valera as Abra Governor,” Gatdula said.
Copyright INQUIRER.net. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
When I was still working in IMS last year, I got the chance to meet the Valeras because of Vinno. They were just so, so good. I don't wanna speak for others.. but I am speaking for myself. And based on my experience and various encounters with them, they were just so charming and good.. all of them.. so let's pray.
Vinno was just one of the cutest!! That kid was so innocent, God-fearing.. and all those things that makes him just adorable. Whenever we had programs, his whole family was always, always there to support him. If it is true that a child's behavior reflects how he was raised, then, Vinno will probably reflect his grandparents' ways as he was raised by his lolo, lola, and tita.. and I am just so worried now esp. because if my memory is right, September 2, or the day this happened, was Vinno's birthday.. or something like that..
Last Saturday, as Ondoy spread his wrath on our beloved country, Manila in particular, I was caught stranded, along with my GBF classmates in Shang! Reason: because we had to perform our oh-so-AWESOME presentation of The Legend of Chang-E for GBF and Ateneo as they celebrated the Mid-Autumn Festival.
As early as 11 A.M. that day, my parents were already texting me non-stop about the typhoon and the flood along Edsa and C5. Knowing that it's "the parents," I initially thought that maybe, they were just exaggerating the news. To my surprise, at around 1 or 2 in the afternoon, they were already telling me not to go home anymore and just check-in at the nearby hotel instead. Knowing my hard-headed self, I said "yeah, bahala na.." but didn't really mean it because in my mind, I thought that it was still very early. My plan was to just hang-out in the mall, wait till the water subsides and then go home, sweet, home. But this didn't really happen!!
As it turned out, "the parents" weren't exaggerating anything. True enough, they know best. ALWAYS! ok, or maybe most of the time lang. Come 5 or 6 in the afternoon, my sisters, who were at home texted me that the water in Taft was already waist high. 10 o'clock and my friend told me not to go home unless I wanted to take a bath in "canal water." And this is where I decided not to go home! "Canal water??" Oh please!! Spare me!! Never did I dream of ever taking a bath in canal water!!
How we (me and my classmates) got home safely is another long story!! I'm just glad we're all safe now. To cut the long story short for you and me, we all had to find means for ourselves! (meaning: alam nyo na yun!). In the end, I ended up in Katipunan with some classmates at the condo of our teachers as all hotels were already booked.. hmm..
When I got home, I saw the news and boy! it was bad! just oh-so-bad!! I immediately texted some classmates the moment I woke up Sunday afternoon to check if they all got home safely. Buti nalang we were all safe.. that's good enough for me!! Then I saw calls for volunteers in various centers.. but how do I go? when it was still raining?!? and deep inside me, I was still scared na baka ako'y hindi nanaman makauwi?? when my parents were continuously texting us "don't go out anymore." I wanted to do something but.. there was that but..
When I did go out of the house, I went with my aunt to Rockwell. The weather was sunny and I guess, it was already good. Though reports of new typhoon coming our way was already loud. No matter how much I tried, the mall really failed to cheer me up!! Somehow, it just didn't appeal to me like how it would usually cheer me up any other day. For how can I? How could I? When I know that some people lost a lot, even everything to the wrath of Ondoy!! How can I? When I know that in some parts of the Metro, people remained to be helped, to be rescued, remained waddling in the muddy waters Ondoy brought to us.
Then I heard on the radio that some government officials delayed the process of bringing help to our kababayans because of some stuff.. that each help they offer has a name that comes along with it. And worst! THAT BARANGAY OFFICIALS WHO WERE RECEIVING THE DONATIONS IN SOME PLACES ARE BEING THEIR NATURAL OPPORTUNISTA SELVES AGAIN AT PINAGPIPILIAN ANG MGA RELIEF GOODS NA BINIBIGAY NG MGA TAO!! WTH?!? Real WTH?!? Bullcrap!! Hanggang ngayon ba naman, sa dami ng namantay, nasalanta, at nabiktima, talaga bang hindi pwede na ating iset aside muna ang pulitika at MAGPAKATAO NA MUNA??? Can't we just?? Even for awhile.. even just until everyone is settled once again..
The physical damage Ondoy left us is big. It's HUGE!! That cannot be denied. But I guess, more than the physical damage, the emotional damage that this brought us, to the people in Marikina and Rizal in particular is far worse than the damage we usually see now in the papers and in the news!! How the people will rise from the damage physically is easy.. because we are FILIPINOS and we have always helped each other in times of crisis.. To copy what a friend said, "bayanihan will save us." I cannot agree more. The spirit of BAYANIHAN has always helped us!! It has always been present in our society. It has changed and evolved but still, it is there. It has always been.
The bigger question now remains to be: How do we rise from the emotional damage this has brought our kababayans?? I was stranded outside last Sat. and now, everytime I look at the rain, I feel scared. I get reminded of that night still. Even when I am safe in the comforts of our home now far away from Metro Manila. The thought of new typhoons coming our way scares me. The thought of ever going out when it's raining makes me nervous na!! What more, how much worst are the feelings of those whose homes were damaged? destroyed? Of those who were left with nothing? Of those who lost relatives, family, and friends??
Have we really learned our lesson?? Perhaps we have as a person. Perhaps our experiences taught us some stuff. But ow about the others?? The others who were lucky enough to be sparred from the wraths of Typhoon Ondoy??How about the others who probably needed to experience Ondoy but didn't? The others who still didn't learn anything and still HAVE THE GUTS TO BE OPPORTUNISTA AT MAKAPAL ANG MUKHA DESPITE ALL THESE?!?
arrived from Naga earlier. Super exhausted from all the stuff that happened in Naga. I think I need sleep, sleep, and more sleep! Plus even more SLEEP!!
Due to mama's request, decided not to go directly to school today. In short, HELLO, ABSENT NO. 5!! This was mama's request because Steph was here. She wanted all of us to have lunch or brunch or whatever together so we can "bond" before Ani goes back to Singapore..
Steph's flight was at 6:50 but because she's super lazy, she went with B2 and the driver at 1!! Poor her, poor her, di pala pinapasok sa airport!! BWAHAHAHA...
So I decided to go to the hospital to see my doctor and HOLA!! He told me that I AM OVERWEIGHT!! AND THAT I NEED TO LOOSE 20 POUNDS!! WTH!!??!!
Oh! and drink Celecoxib, Viartril and chuva again!! So, I am officially an ADDICT na talga ata!! With all these pain killers and ekek.. because apparently, I have CHONDROMALACIA PATELLA!! Or in short, bad patella for you and me!!
What's the cure?!? NONE. It's a forever type of thing!! So FOREVER, I CAN'T DO SPORTS!!
When you see your loved one suffering so much, there comes a point when you’ll tell them “sige na, go if you have to go. We will be ok.” Among all the things that I found out were true recently, this was the one that never happened or occurred to me. This never even crossed my mind. Not even last Sunday when the doctors told us that anything can happen at that point and time. What do you do when you hear doctors say: “Mr. del Castillo, guarded prognosis tayo ngayon ha. Basta anything can happen na..” When you hear them tell your tita “the best thing we can do now is to bring her home.. and prepare the family dahil continuous na ang pag deteriorate ng condition nya.” Indeed, what do you do?
1 month. The longest 1 month our family has ever had. Long enough for us to see dada fight her battle, long enough for us to see her cry, to hear her shout.. to hear her thoughts.. to hear her wonder out loud if she still had any hopes. “pag-asa” she said 2 days before Tuesday. “iniisip ko kung may pag-asa pa ako..” And true enough, it was never about her. Sabi nga nyan ni Kuya Bimbo, with dada, it was always “ika.. ika.. ika.. never about her.” For amidst her pain, she would often still worry about me, Ches, Kuya, Ate and just about each one of us in our family. Again as Kuya said, “very typical dada.” 1 month. The longest 1 month we’ve ever had.
Ironically though, it was also the shortest month we’ve ever had. So short we weren’t even able to say thank you. Thank you for taking care of papa. Thank you for taking care of Tito Butch, for taking care of tita and dodo. For taking care of us. Thank you for being our supporter, our spoiler. Thank you for always making us feel right even when you tell us in your words that what we are doing is already daindata. “Daindata yan nene, daindata” you would often say. Dada, thank you for allowing us to do what we want to do and what will make us happy. I remember you would always say too “pabayai na kung iyo ang gusto.” You always made us feel that no matter what happens, you will always be there to comfort us and to make us feel loved.
We also weren’t able to say sorry dada. Sorry we seldom visited you. Sorry you had to be the one calling us. Sorry for laughing when dodo said “tumawag nga kayo minsan ditto at baka malay nyo atakin na kami ditto hindi nyo pa alam.” Sorry you always had to worry about us. Sorry we weren’t able to give you the one thing you asked for during those last few weeks in the hospital immediately. You see, we wanted to try dada. We wanted to try all means possible if it meant that you can be with us longer. To try everything so that we won’t have to miss you. So that each one of us won’t have to face the day when you can’t be with us anymore. I am sorry dada. So sorry I didn’t want you to go home immediately when you asked for it. Sorry I was selfish. Because I was hoping and longing for that day when tita would call me and tell me that you were in our home. For that day when I would go home and see you by the window, seating at your favorite chair with your cigarette on hand. Hoping for that day when we can go to the mall together again and tell me “kumain ka na ba? may pagkain jan.. anong gusto mong breakfast bukas?”
I will admit that in this whole 1 month, like everyone else in the family, I too had a lot of questions. A lot of what-if’s. especially during that Sunday. When the doctors confirmed that you had no more chances of survival. That your cancer cannot be cured anymore. During that day when papa cried by your bedside telling you still, “magpakusog ka lang ngani ma, magpakusog kusog ka lang tanganing sarabay na kita mag uruli..” And though we all knew this already days before Sunday, I felt that this was one of those things that reason or logic can never understand. Knowing that there is no more hope yet refusing to understand much more accept.
That particular Sunday, I thought, what if we didn’t bring her to the hospital? What if we just made you stay here? What if some miracle was still possible? Would you have live a longer life? Would the pain be less than the pain we all feel now? So many questions.. so many what-if’s. But then again they remind me, that everything happens for a reason. And so I thought that maybe the answers to all of our questions and what-if’s lies in discovering and accepting these reasons. Sabi nila when you’re good, God spares you from further pain this world will give you. Perhaps it is true. Because dada was not only mabait. She was more than that. She was selfless. She lived her life for us and she was happy, proud, contented.
If there was one thing that dada wanted so much in the whole duration of her battle, it was to go home.. to go back home. This she repeated over and over again. When she was still conscious, when she was groggy, everytime. And even last Monday when she was all weak and sick because of a slight fever, she would really make an effort to stand up and say “mus na, mus na, malou, mus na.” To the very end, she didn’t give up. To the very end this made her happy and smile once more. When tita said “ma, mauli na kita.” When she learned that she was going home.
Now you are back home dada. Back home with your mama, with your papa and all the others who are there to welcome you back home. Now you are back home dada with Our Father, Our Creator, who was so kind to give you to us in this lifetime. So kind to spare you from further pain. Now you are free dada. Free from all those injections, dialysis, morphine and so much more. God was indeed so kind to give us that extra 1 month and a day to be with you still. To make you feel that we love you. Time for us to tell you that we love you. Now you are back home dada. And I would like to think that dear Virgin of Penafrancia is there to guide you. Then we are happy and at peace.
You will forever be in our homes too dada. Peacefully and forever will be in our homes and in our hearts. I guess we will have to learn how to live without your asado, your texts, your calls. Dada, wala nang magsasabi kay B1 na “sino ang kasama mo jan? may kausap ka ba jan? pumunta ka nalang ditto sa akin sa Canda.” Wala nang tatawag kay B2 just to tell her “mag-iingat ka.” Wala nang magsasabi kay Annie na “mag Cherifer ka daw nene..” Wala nang sasabi kay Noel “noy, magtultol ngani ha.. hirak mo man nakukursunadahan.” Wala nang magsasabi kay Ches “haen ka? Nasa harong ka na? mag-ingat pirmi, dai magpara lakwatsa.” Wala nang tatawag sa akin just to tell me “kumusta ang trabaho mo? Gusto mo talaga jan?” Wala nang gigising kay kuya para magpa drive, wala nang magsesermon and say “Bimbo, magtultol ka nonoy ha, mag-adal ka.” Wala nang sasama kay ate mag walking sa Avenue, magsimba sa Basilica, mag malling sa Manila.. wala nang tatawag sa bahay just to ask “ang mga aki, yaon na? Haen si Judy? Si Bong? Si Butch? Si Baby?” Wala nang kasama si dodo mag lunch, wala nang kasama si tita mag pa Manila.. wala na..
Thank you dada for keeping our family together. Thank you for living your life for us. Thank you, thank you so much! We will miss you dada. Indeed we will miss you. The family as well as the people who knew you. Thank you for taking care of dodo. Now it’s time for you to embark on another journey in life. And all we can do is to pray for you and for ourselves that we can go through this as a family. In your truest sense dada and as you would always tell us again and again when we visit you “pray, just pray.” To my family, we will now have to take comfort with each other. And take care of each other. Take care of dodo, tita, Tito Butch, and papa for dada. Kaya tita, I’m sorry pero mukhang hindi ka na talaga makakapang-asawa. Dahil ngayon hindi lang kami ang kailangan mong alagaan, meron ka pang 3 little big boys to take care of. This is what Dada would have wanted. Perhaps, this was her mission she accomplished. To bring and hold this family strong so that we can go through this together. So that one day, we will all be okay.
Tito Butch, you were there the first week dada was hospitalized. And when it was time for you to go home, I too felt your worry. Your pain. That you wanted to stay and yet you had to go. Thank you Tito Butch for coming home to Naga because somebody had to stay here. To coordinate, to be strong, to watch our family here, simply to stay put so that dodo can also go to Manila and be with dada. Thank you Tito Butch, because of you, dada died in the company of dodo, her loving husband. They said that you always tell Ate Carla, Kuya Bimbo, and Noel, to always show your love to your parents. To always respect and take care of their parents and grandparents esp. their mothers because the sacrifice they do for their children is insurmountable. These are the same exact words papa teaches me and my sisters. You are right Tito Butch, Dada was “very understanding, ibibigay niya ang lahat, hindi sya makulit.” Selfless. Thank you Tito Butch for teaching Ate, Kuya, and Noel these words. Thank you for always sharing with the family your family. Because of you, dada had Ate and Kuya to be with during those times when we cannot always be there for them. Thank you.
Thank you papa for texting me last Tuesday to go to the hospital. Had you not texted, I would have forever felt the guilt of knowing that I could’ve been there to be with dada during her last few minutes, but I wasn’t because like tita, I thought, everything was gonna be ok. That she was just gonna be transferred to Mother Seton. Thank you papa for teaching us how to appreciate dada and let her know that we love her. Thank you for always making us drop by Canda everytime we come home. Sabi mo nga, “kahit 5 minutes pa yan o 1 minute basta dapat lagging pumunta.” We never really understood this before. Until only recently when you told us “kaya gusto ko dumadaan kayo sa Canda kahit 5 minutes lang because we’ll never know what will happen and because we only live this life once and not twice.” Thank you papa for crying last Sunday by her bedside. You helped us accept what was already forthcoming.
Thank you tita for being strong at a time when nobody wanted to be strong, when nobody had the guts to be strong. Thank you for being beside dada always and especially during that whole month and a day in the hospital. For serving as our bridge, our translator when dada would suddenly murmur her thoughts unconsciously. For staying strong and laughing when dada said that you were Queen Elizabeth. True enough titaa, you were her queen. You will forever be her Queen. Thank you tita for guiding us in this whole process and for crying your grief. Showing us that if you can do it, then, so can we. So should we. For you know tita, and I know along with dodo and Lola Carol that nothing is more painful than watching dada during those last minutes before 8:30 and knowing that we cannot do anything but wait. That we can do nothing but watch and wait.. parang pelikula.. pero hindi sya exciting. Hearing the sound of the monitor during those last minutes, waiting, until everything goes flat. And the sound of the monitor becomes that of our cries.
Thank you dodo for being strong amidst the pain. I know that the pain you feel is way more than the pain we feel. After all as you told dada when you arrived in the hospital, you are her loving husband. Mapa Ramon, Mario o Luis pa man yan, to dada, you will always be Carlos. The one and only Carlos dada will ever have. Sayang though Ramon will miss her especially now that Tayong Dalawa is about to end. I should know. Because I was there when during one of her most painful moments, when she was already on so much pain, still, she would only call out for two people. Mama and Carlos. Over and over, I would hear, “mama.. mama.. Carlos.. Carlos..” Dodo, you are the one who was always with her. The one who always made her laugh. The one who would always make her say “pondo, Carlos, pondo ta patapusa na muna ako.” And yet during the last 3 days you managed to be strong and arrange for dada to be brought safely back home. For this was all she ever wanted. All she ever said most of the time during that whole span of 1 month and a day. You wanted to give her what she wanted. And now she is home dodo. Peacefully back home. So dodo, thank you. For being strong amidst the pain. For being focused amidst all these confusion. Thank you dodo.
To those who helped dada during her last few hours, thank you. Thank you for helping us in times when tita needed help. To all of you with us and to all who prayed for my dada, thank you. For being with us at a time when your simple “ok ka lang ba?” meant so much more to us. When your simple gestures to make us feel okay helps us feel a little less grief.
To end, I would like to thank you in the words my dodo told me to tell you yesterday. And I quote: “In behalf of my dodo, Carlos del Castillo, and the children, Tito Butch, Tita Malou and my papa Bong, I would like to express our sincere appreciation for your condolences and gestures of sympathy in the hour of our bereavement. Indeed, the demise of dada as we call her is a great loss to the family and we’ll need a long lasting craving for her deep affection, devotion, and care to the members of the family. The latter is one in acknowledging that dada is the best wife, the best mother, and the best grandmother. We love her so much and may we ask you to say a prayer that her soul may rest in peace with the Lord.”
