2.0.0.9

It's 3:15 and yes I am still up! seriously! I think I have insomnia na!! My eyebag problem is not getting any better! At this rate, it's definitely not gonna get any better any time soon!! I should really make that my new year's resolution!

so i decided to write instead. and reflect on my 2009. and the lots and lots of things that I need to be thankful for! yes! despite everything that happened this year, I do believe that still, I have lots to be thankful for!!

This year, some of the things I am thankful for are..

My GBF scholarship. GBF is one of the best things that happened to me. EVER! In my whole 22 years, I know that yes, this truly is a one of a kind experience. A once in a lifetime opportunity. I came to GBF thinking that in the end, I will learn Chinese and be able to live in Shanghai.. on my own, without (ok, with little) support from my parents.. but then when I started the program, I realized that there was something more, something I was bound to treasure.. something that was genuine.. and so yes,

I am thankful for the new friends I found this year.. the 40 from GBF and all the others I have found. Friends always make me feel blessed. They make me feel how lucky I am. They make me feel safe. Old friends remind me of who I am and where I came from, new friends remind me of what I can still be. Friends, both old and new, always inspire me. To dream. To believe. To continue going on in my never-ending journey. In my crazy encounter with life, with destiny, and so much more.

I am thankful for the courage I had to leave my old job in IMS. Much as I loved IMS, I knew that I had to stop. I just had to. To find time for myself. To learn, to rediscover, to see what more is out there for me..

The chance to be with my 40 fellow scholars in Shanghai! Yes! I am excited to be spending my days with them.. lazy Sundays, hyper days.. and whatever!! I know it's gonna be fun! I just know it! wohhhoooooo!!!

I am thankful for the lessons learned no matter how bad the circumstances were..

One of the biggest lessons I've learned perhaps is how to accept the death of a dearly beloved. And learn how to move on with life. Yes, my 2009 was probably mostly about dada.. and all the lessons I've learned and realized, I realized after her death.. The importance of family, the importance of friends, the importance of life.. and just living it because as papa said during her wake, "we only live this life once and not twice."

Our family has always been close to each other. No matter what, papa always made sure we dropped by dodo and dada's house whenever we are here in Naga. On special occasions, we would also call them up, dada's death last September only made us closer.

I also realized the importance of friends. Of having people who will comfort you when you badly need it.. even when you don't tell them. Of having people to run to whenever you just feel like running away from it all! When dada died, I didn't wanna be alone in the house when sina tita and dodo left for Naga, and so even if I was super late, I went to school.. it was soooo hard to explain to the others who didn't know what happened.. The night she died, it was just sooo hard to tell people, to tell relatives that dada was 'dead na..' be it on the phone or through text, it was just hard and so even to those who knew, why I was there.. still, it was hard to explain why I was there.. but deep inside me, I knew that I was there simply because at that point and time, I just didn't wanna be alone.

The biggest lesson I've learned this year is how life goes on. How to live life to the fullest. How to love and live every single minute of it. Because that's life.. this is life.. and no matter what we do, there are things we can only experience once.. there are also things we need to be ready to face.. Last Dec. 22 as carolers sang Christmas songs in our house, one asked about dada.. and we all got teary-eyed remembering her.. Our Christmas changed too.. before it would be automatically celebrated in Canda with dada's specialties.. this year, dod didn't know what to do.. tita was hesitant.. we didn't go to Canda. Instead, we went to the cemetery. And it still brings tears to our eyes whenever we hear The Prayer, whenever I pass by Manila Doctor's, whenever I hear about lymphoma and all the things I saw during that 1 month in the hospital. Now I know how it feels. Totoo pala.

People are slowly accepting this fact I guess.. but yes, 2009, you taught me how to value each and every person in my life. You taught me how to savor each and every minute that I have to live. And slowly, you are teaching me how to move on with life!!