wrong reasons..

i am tired and i am bored. when i am in school, i feel happy. but also pressured. when i see my classmates doing their papers already, i feel pressured but also ashamed! ashamed that i am so lazy compared to them! but then again, something always, always, inspires one..

wherever we are, something always inspires us. i make it a point to designate something to be my inspiration. to motivate me to wake up everyday early in the morning. with gbf, i sure had one as i not only needed to get out of my bed! i also had to learn how to get out of the house at 7:30 AM and commute to school which takes me almost 1 hour!! ah! life! it is so hard!!

but then again, sometimes, people do some things for all the wrong reasons. and yeah.. i guess during these times, we cannot do anything but be in control. control our feelings. control our emotions. so that in the end, we remain focused. focused on what we really are here for!

i've been there, i've done that. and now i know.. that i don't ever, ever, wanna be in the same place. at least not now. i need to focus. to concentrate. because in the end, i know that this thing, if continued, will really do me no good. NO GOOD AT ALL. in the end, there is nothing in it for me. and yes, i guess, i am afraid. afraid that now that i have found myself once again, i will loose it one more time. afraid to get lost for this thing, which i believe is so not worth it.

so now everyday, i have to convince myself to focus. and focus. and to just get over it fast!! but dude, you sure aren't helping!! you're so not making it easy!! ;-)