I'm trying to convince myself..

Today, I'm trying to convince myself to grow up! The best thing ever ( Ithink, so far ) that GBF has done for me was to put me in the company of 39 other scholars who are very passionate, independent, wonderful. With particular stress on the INDEPENDENT part!!

Most of my newfound friends are very independent! Everything they have, everything they achieved, they got due to their own efforts. Both financially and the other things that they have. Note: FINANCIALLY!!

Rar!! I want to be financially independent too!! But this I'm still learning. Learning. And trying to convince myself to be FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT!! C!! Totally C!! It is so hard!!

My friends back home aren't like that! My friends here are not totally like that!! I go to GBF and I find that most of them are already like that!! I am so jealous!! You know me, I know me.. I easily get jealous of what others around me are doing!! and so I want to copy!! BUT JUST CANNOT!!

The mall makes it hard for me. My lifestyle makes it hard for me. It's like getting away from my drugs!! It's drugs!! Addictive. Very addictive!!

And so today I am trying to convince myself to grow up and start learning this new trait!! Yesterday I was in the mall again with my AVIS (of course!) and totally had to bite my finger to stop myself from holding on to that shirt.. bag.. shades.. and what-not and bringing it to the cashier!! I try. and try. and try harder.

But without AVIS, without my parents financial support, I wonder, what will I be. I have to wonder how will I be. I cannot. I cannot!! I want, I want!! Grr.. It.is.so.effing.hard!! C!! C!! C!!

I think I need more practice!! 10 months!! I hope I come out victoriously!! I need to!! I want to!! I swear!!