back to school.. my weird crisis..

a few months before I turn 22 and I find myself once again, back in school, studying Mandarin all over again! High School Part 2? Taiwan Part 2? Whatever.

All I know is that I am happy. Happy to be here. Happy to be studying once again. Happy to be with different kinds of people with different stories to share. Happy to be doing it this way. Happy. Just real happy.

My cousin asked me a few days ago, why did I apply for this program. Thinking about it, I think that I applied for a lot of reasons. I cannot pinpoint just one.

I applied for the sake of applying.

I applied to see if I can qualify for a scholarship.

I applied because I was looking for something to do (so as to give me some time to think).

I applied to reconnect to my Chinese roots once again.

I applied to learn how to speak Chinese for good this time.

I applied because I wanted to go to Shanghai. Be independent. Be on my own.

I applied for the fun of it!

Then came his next question: "if you're just really after learning Chinese and going after the Shanghai trip, why did you apply pa for the scholarship? why didn't you just go on your own?"

And it's true. I asked myself that after he asked me that too. Why nga ba did I want to go through this nitty-gritty selection process? Why nga ba didn't I just tell my parents that this was what I wanted.. that I wanted to go to Shanghai, learn and study Chinese as well as their culture? Some friends already asked me to go with them before. But I declined. And was never interested. Until I saw GBF.

And this is where the crisis part of my story begins. Hmph!!!

As much as I really, really want to write the story, I can't. Coz' I'm feeling tamad again! I need my junk food fix!! grrr!!! I'm addicted!! I crave!! I can't live a day without having a bite of anything junk food!! WTH!! HELP!!