I want..

The thing that I want most right now is probably to go abroad and live there on my own. My dream destination? New York! para mala-Gossip Girl type, MALA GOSSIP GIRL ANG DRAMA NG LOLAH MO!! or anywhere in the world, for that matter, where a whole lot is happening. Where the culture is far from the culture of Naga and of Manila. Not that I don't like them because I love Naga. I truly do. Reason why I come back whenever I have the chance. And I like Manila. There, is where I have been all these five.. six years. That is where I learned so much things that I know I would have never ever learned here in Naga. There, is where I found and discovered a part of me. But I am craving for more. And the desire is so big that it is getting too hard to control. Desire to have more independence, to learn more, to experience more.

A lot of people usually ask me now, "what do you plan to do now?" Yea, they ask me this because of my recent resignation from work. Good thing I have my school. Then, I can tell them: "I'm going back to school. you know, finish my masters." This makes it so much more easier! But the harder question is.. and which honestly, I cannot answer immediately is the question: "why did you resign?" All these months, only one or two people asked me this. And while I had the answer, I just felt speechless at that moment. Because they wouldn't understand. Nobody would. Except for those who are very close to me.

Growing up, I have always been a fan of independence! Having your own thoughts, choosing what you want and all those stuff. My parents, unlike some of my friends' parents, are a little bit different. They're younger and so they believe more in making us grow up with our own opinions. I think this is the reason why my mom always wanted us to go out of the house. On our own. So that we, can learn how to be independent.

The decision to study in Manila, for example, was not really one that I made on my own. Neither was it a decision that I wanted. It was, for the most part of it, my mother's decision. Her dream. But I do not regret it. I am even thankful. Because there I learned a lot of things. From me, from friends, from people, from strangers, from life itself. Because my life there is different from the one I have here. My life there is, a little less protected. And I sure love it. So much so that now, I feel the need for more, more, more.

I have lived for so many years in Manila. Once in a while, I would come back to Naga. And feel and see all the difference. Then I wonder, what more could possibly be out there? What more can this world possibly have for me? What more can I possibly experience and learn? Then I feel all excited and afraid.. but mostly, excited. I want. I want. I want.

For the past five years, I have learned a lot, as well as experienced a lot! Sew, eat fruits with knife and fork, do my own laundry, wake up when there are earthquakes, take care of myself when I'm having chills, commute to different places, walk distances, iron my own clothes, cook and prepare my own meals, wake up early, go to the doctor when I need to, stand up after falling from the FX, walk in the rain with no umbrella, accept ride from strangers out of desperation.. and so much more. Little things, not necessarily big but little things. Things that I doubt I would have ever learned had I not left the comfort of our house here in Naga which, I love. But I think.. I'm more in love with the idea that I am the one who is in control with my life. My rules. My life. My decisions. I make a mistake, so what?!? Nobody's to blame. They can laugh all they want with me. 'Coz that's the life I prefer to live. Funny. Imperfect. Crazy. Weird.

And this is why I want to go abroad and live on my own. To experience more things I can share with others. To experience more blunders, make mistakes, and bloopers that I can also share with others. And ultimately laugh at. 'Coz this is how I believe that I can make my life perfect. Through much imperfection and contentment. How bout chu?!?