my creed..

hinding hindi ko na uulitin..

na ako'y makialam

sa kung ano ang gustong gawin

ng mga experto!!

hinding hindi ko na uulitin..

ang maging pakialamera..

at magpumilit..

na ako'y bigyan

ng bangs!!

BOW.

Hyper-ness..

It's 4:01 AM and I am still so up!! I can't sleep and I don't know why! Just got back an hour ago from watching The Proposal.. got stucked in Greenbelt and so we had to wait for the rain to stop.. I want to sleep na but I can't sleep!! A few hours ago, around 5 PM, I fell asleep because I felt so, so, bad I thought I was gonna get sick!! Good thing I felt better after eating veggies!! Eck. but effective! I think. Never thought that student life can be so, so very tiring!!!

I am always, always tired whenever I get back home from school. School is fun yet very challenging! The people I'm with are truly different from the people I met in college. A part of me wants to get to know each one of them more and more in the upcoming months. Part of me is inspired by their achievements. Part of me feels intimidated by them at times. But of course, in a good way, I guess.

Never thought that studying Chinese language can be this hard! Of course it is quite easy pa for me now because I studied everything I'm learning now before but I'm worried it might get harder as we go along.

This morning, we had an activity in listening. It was really oh, so hard!! Almost all of my answers were not-so-good (read: wrong!!). I felt so ashamed. Yet challenged. But then it got me thinking once again: is this really what I applied for?

I applied for the GBF to learn the language. Of course! To reconnect with my roots, to discover the Chinese culture more and more by experiencing it.. I joined to think about what I really want in life.. what I wanted to be.. what I wanted to do.. to have a break from everything! This was supposed to be my time to discover and rediscover every little thing that was out there for me to discover. To learn. To experience. If you ask me to put it in simple terms, I would think/say that I'm in this program for the fun. For the experience. It truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity. No doubt about that!!

But I'm confused. Yet happy. Intimidated but determined. Inspired and at the same time, a little bored. I'm hyper but also down and lazy..

Oh, there's so much I want to do right now at this very moment!!

I want to cover my books. I want to study. I want to practice speaking Chinese. I want. I want. I want. Yet the bed is calling me already!!

And I also need to think about that weird family reunion tom.

whose theme is really bothering me!

and my hair is bothering me as well!!

My hair is in a super weird condition today!! Thought it would be better to have bangs!! but the freaking bangs, I think, didn't work like how I wanted it to!!

and now I look weird!!

but can't do anything but..

huhuhu.. kung hindi lang talaga kasalanan sa nanay ko na ako'y magpa hair extensions!! grrr!!!

oh, life!!

the thing..

that I love most in my wallet as of the moment is my Enjoy Card!! I LOVETT!!

I love it because it's one of those few things I have that I bought with my own money!! Sure I love being independent and all.. but being financially independent?!? is another thing! That I sure can't handle as of now! That's why I love, love, love my parents so much!! For always, always, sponsoring me! And, of course, giving us our best friend.. AVIS!!

AVIS is the best friend of Steph. Who is also my best friend. As well as Ches'. It's a family thing!!

AVIS lets us have what we want to have even if our parents are so many, many, many miles away from us!!

I wanted to upload the pics of my card which arrived in my mail a few days ago. But sadly, my computer is acting weird! Very weird! Sometimes it turns on.. then suddenly goes.. POOF!! POP!! POP!! Like the magic dragon!! GGGRRRRR....

My Kakaibang Experience No. 2...

Today I had my nakakaibang experience no. 2!! Kakaibang at kakalokang experience!!

On my way home from Rosario, Pasig where we have our GBF classes, I decided to ride a cab with Ace, Prim, and Ben since Ace said we were all heading in the same direction. The plan was.. we were going to ride one cab together, drop Prim at Pioneer then Ace at Boni or somewhere in Mandaluyong, off to Makati for Ben and then me.. but somewhere along the way Ace told me that it might be better if we go down all together and just get a new cab since the driver was medyo.. something else.. and so I agreed.

But then, as if it was truly a test of whatever virtue/value we had, the taxi suddenly stopped in the middle of Meralco Ave.! We were about to go down when the manong driver asked us to push the cab! WTH, right?!? But my companions agreed. And so I had no choice but to follow them and push the cab as well!! and there you have it! - my kakaibang, kakalokang experience no. 2!! NAGTULAK AKO NG TAXI SA GITNA NG MERALCO AVE.!! I thought to myself, "what would my mom ever say?!?" and mas lalong ayoko na sabihin pa sa aking fatherhood! I am sure that he will totally go ballistic!! KALOKA!!

And so we walked.. and hanged out at Monterey Meralco Ave. In fairness, the company ws great! You see, Ace and Ben are both Bicolanos also like me! Plus, it was my first time in that area too. So after a while we decided to go na and look for cab no. 2!

Cab no. 2 came and dropped all of us off at Prim's. He didn't wanna go to Taft so fine, let's look for cab no. 3!! Buti nalang cab no. 3 came shortly and made payag... but somewhere along Buendia e nanigarilyo sya!! CRAP!!

I so totally need to reconsider my options in going home! I think I have another one kaya lang nahihiya ang lolah mo!!

I can also take the MRT, LRT and everything.. but my knee is hurting once again!! Curse that FX that gave me my joint effussion in the knee!! It still hurts badly. Might need a trip to Dr. Pipo again. And Cardinal! Oh, that MRI!!

Anyway, today was a good day. We toured the URC factory. Really amazing, really cool!!

When I got home, and before I blogged everything, I texted my mom:

ME: Mom, the taxi made tirik sa Meralco Ave.! Tinulak namin! Can u imagine?!?

MOM: Omg! E bkt nagtulak ka?

You see, I like telling my mom these stuff and getting her reactions! coz' these are the things she's never tried before and she'll never, ever do!! I AM SURE!! So it shocks her when I do it!! And I lovett!!

Weird. Weird. Weird. I have never, ever made tulak a car my whole life!!

Not in Naga. Not here. Not in my dreams! NEVER.

Therefore, I agree with Ani!!

I NEED A CHO JUN!!

My GBF days..

July 2o marked the start of my GBF days!! that day was yesterday. It was tiring. It was fun. It was weird. It was competitive. It was exciting. It was everything!

The GBF-CSP is the program that I applied for 2 to 3 months ago. I prayed hard to get into the program. And thought I didn't make it. And was proven wrong. I really, really thank the people in GBF. I admire them for their patience with us all as well as their capabilities to know all 40 of us! That, I'm really having a hard time!

All in all, we are 40 who got in the program. One look and I know that they are all very accomplished, successful, serious people who also knows how to have fun. For a few moments there in my seat, I thought.. "God, how did I ever get in this program? Am I really as accomplished, successful, and serious as all the other 39 scholars?" That I still do not know. But I am willing to be like them. Looking at them inspires me already! To do a good job. To give it my best shot. To have a really fun time!

When we discussed about the I-CARE program which will determine who, among the 40 scholars will eventually go to Shanghai next year (coz' they will only send the top 30), the feel of the room got heavier.. even more intense.. or perhaps, the right word is serious! Thecommittment, the seriousness, the passion.. it was so evident it made me tired. Literally. Dead tired! When I got home, I felt sick. My sister also thought that I was sick. Once I got in my bed, I fell asleep almost immediately. But then again, that has always been my talent! Dozing off into dreamland.. anytime, anywhere!!

I am really happy I got into this program. I think that more than the learning, I am more excited about the people whom I will encounter in the program. They are just so diverse! We are so different from each other.. different backgrounds, fields, interests.. I wanna know each and every one of them! That is what I want my GBF days to be.. Filled with fun, new experiences, new friends.. and everything else! We had a teambuilding earlier and it sure was tiring. Tiring fun. It's been like that for the past two days! Perhaps that's the reason why we ate lunch at two and went home at around 3. Instead of the half-day I thought I was gonna have.

I was supposed to be half-day today bec. they didn't require me to take the test to determine my knowledge of the Chinese language. I'm thinking.. it can be good for me.. but it can also be bad. It can actually work both ways. They placed me in the Basic Class.. which is really okay for me. They assummed that I had no background of the language when I studied in a Chinese school all my life, studied in Taiwan too.. and knows how to speak a little Chinese at home. But oh well, what can I do? This is the situation I am in, right? Just gotta make a way for it to become an advantage for me.. like what I told Ani, I cannot really choose the circumstances that I find myself in.. but I can always alter it so that I can adjust to it positively. So that everything's gonna be fine. Just fine. No worries!

My Hang-Out..

Naga City Airport is where I spent my WHOLE Friday afternoon last week! Thanks to my super delayed flight!! It was so hot in the early afternoon but good thing it got windier during the later part. I was supposed to pick up B2 from PSCI but since my 2:20 afternoon flight was not only delayed but super delayed, I decided instead, and my mom decided too, to let Ches do it.

My 12:20 NN flight got re-scheduled. I am so thankful that 2 days before the actual flight, they called me already to tell me that it was re-scheduled. My mom was so happy too. It was a good thing, right? then, I didn't have to rush to the airport for nothing!

The airport is only a 15 to 20 minutes drive from our house in Naga. So for my 2:20 flight, I left the house at around 1:20 PM. You can just imagine the reaction of my dad. He talked about it during our whole trip to the airport.. the bad thing about cramming and rushing! esp. because I left my retainers at home (the reason why I really, really went home last week)! I must admit, I was a little worried too. I might get bumped off the plane. Then, I won't be able to attend my Saturday class again in UP! Oh no!! It really cannot happen anymore!! esp. coz' I already missed 2. The first one because I forgot that it was our first day of class and the second because of the ever-undying swine flu! Yez! USO PA PALA YUN!!

But the good thing about being late.. is when somebody, or something comes in later than you! Yes! In my case, it was the plane that came in later. So much more later, in fact. What was supposed to be a 2:20 flight became somewhere between 3 to 4 PM daw because the plane needed additional services. Then ultimately, the plane arrived at 5 PM. Plus the one hour duration of the flight, I reached Manila at around 6 PM already!

This is how Naga City Airport became my new hang-out! But no worries and complains here! I am always thankful when airlines like them, prioritize the safety of their passengers first rather than going for it even though it's super dangerous!

And I am also even more thankful that they've started flying to Naga and thus, have made the fares more reasonable!! Now I can just go home anytime I want coz' it's sometimes cheaper na than the bus I usually take!! Yihee!!! SO HAPPY!!

I Miss My Dorm..

I miss my dorm. Big time. I used to be a dorm girl. And not way back nineteen kopong-kopong ha.. just way back 4 or 5 years ago.

I remembered my dorm while I was waiting for B2 at the lobby of her dorm. While the dormers were passing me by, I suddenly remembered the days when I too, used to stay at a dormitory. Ah, the life!! But my dorm, unlike B2's was way better. And I mean WAY BETTER!! haha..

I entered Tahilan when I was on my first year in college. My parents were so happy that they found a nice dorm for me. It was really nice. You will have nothing to ask for. They don't exactly beat Steph's dorm in Singapore. But when it comes to dormitories here in the Philippines, I'd say it's the BEST!! PERFECT!!

Food's included. Laundry's included too. We get to use our own library inside the dorm. We also had a chapel. Every morning, there were people from Maligaya who would clean up our room, change our towels and sheets and so much more. I remember being served food on the dinning table. Going to excursions that were really so much fun. Hiking, swimming, camping, shopping, we had it all! We even had our own "mentors." People who took time out from their daily hectic schedules just to talk to us about anything and everything under the sun. They even organized small religion classes for us. See? As a parent, what more can you ask for? Right. With our dorm, you don't need to be praning anymore! As a student, Tahilan is truly a good place to start your college years!! ;-)

Tahilan was where I learned how to mingle with people from different places in the country. Regardless of their age. It was where I learned how to wake up early (though it was really very hard!), organize events, proper table manners ( I learned how to open banana with a knife and a fork and ultimately became used to it! my mom was surprised! DI NYA KINAYA!! ), facts and infos about Opus Dei, do charity work and medical missions which I love.. and so much more. Tahilan was where I also met some of my really, really, close friends now!

Now I miss my dorm. And all my dorm-mates.. roommies.. and the staff who helped me grow into my persona now.. staff who did the laundry for me, cleaned my room for me, served me meals at meal times and so much more! I miss all them all misses.. Ms. Marela and Ms. Sarah and my own chat, Doojie.. and the days when I was still in Tahilan.. sure, having my own place is kinda nice at times too.. but living in a dorm liek Tahilan.. is kinda like going to boarding school! The FUN WAY!

Tahilan is near La Salle main so it's very convenient!! It's very safe too esp. with the curfew! It's literally, a stone's throw away from La Salle eng gate.. You can visit the website and go check it out for yourselves at www.tahilan.com or just go and look for Ms. Judith or the ever wonderful and chikadora receptionist, Ms. Nerry. ;-)

Early Day

I am an early bird today.. I wanted to think while I was in the FX going back home that I was having a long day but then I had doubts. It's not really a long day. Rather, it's an early day!

I was an early bird today. I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4:30 AM. Who the hell wakes up at that crazy hour?!? right? Well, don't get me wrong. I know a lot of people do to get on with their commuting, start their day and all.. but what I mean is that who among those like me, wakes up at that hour?? Like me who has no work and nothing to do on a Tuesday since my classes in UP only happen on Wednesdays and Saturdays and my GBF thing haven't started yet! Wow. One of a kind weirdo!

You may ask.. why did I wake up early if I have absolutely nothing to do? I definitely am NOT a morning person. Reason why I didn't enroll for an 8:30 AM class in UP.. and it is also definitely not the body clock thing! At the earliest, my body clock starts at 10 or 11 in the morning. So why? Right? Well, it is because of my ever loving, ever patient, carrying out of my Dorota duties to B2. Yes, now that I have no work, I have found a new role.. given by no other than my very own mother. Dorota. A.K.A. "yaya to the geek!" And I must say, it is NO JOKE!! Hmpf!!

We left the house at 5:45 AM. Arrived at PSCI around 6:05 AM. Talagang detailed, di ba!! Stayed there for around 30 minutes.. was planning to hang out till Trinoma opens so I can have my nails done but it's kind of hard to do esp. when you're like me who have the "laziness syndrome/disease." You know that, right? coz' please.. I do know that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD AFFLICTED WITH IT!!

So I decided to just go home. And in going home, explore the different ways on how I can go to PSCI to Taft and vice versa. And what would you know.. I rode the FX going home. While on my way, everybody inside the FX was asleep! haha.. and I cannot sleep because I was sandwiched by two guys whose smell were really bothering me! Ack.

Now I know how to go there without the cab or the MRT.. I can just ride the FX from in front of our house! yahoo! and it only costs 30 pesos. So not bad! But the trip is like an hour and a half!

But who cares, right? it's not like I really have tons and tons of work to do on Mondays or Tuesdays.. at least I have none yet! I'm so happy. And bummed out! Ha!

I want..

The thing that I want most right now is probably to go abroad and live there on my own. My dream destination? New York! para mala-Gossip Girl type, MALA GOSSIP GIRL ANG DRAMA NG LOLAH MO!! or anywhere in the world, for that matter, where a whole lot is happening. Where the culture is far from the culture of Naga and of Manila. Not that I don't like them because I love Naga. I truly do. Reason why I come back whenever I have the chance. And I like Manila. There, is where I have been all these five.. six years. That is where I learned so much things that I know I would have never ever learned here in Naga. There, is where I found and discovered a part of me. But I am craving for more. And the desire is so big that it is getting too hard to control. Desire to have more independence, to learn more, to experience more.

A lot of people usually ask me now, "what do you plan to do now?" Yea, they ask me this because of my recent resignation from work. Good thing I have my school. Then, I can tell them: "I'm going back to school. you know, finish my masters." This makes it so much more easier! But the harder question is.. and which honestly, I cannot answer immediately is the question: "why did you resign?" All these months, only one or two people asked me this. And while I had the answer, I just felt speechless at that moment. Because they wouldn't understand. Nobody would. Except for those who are very close to me.

Growing up, I have always been a fan of independence! Having your own thoughts, choosing what you want and all those stuff. My parents, unlike some of my friends' parents, are a little bit different. They're younger and so they believe more in making us grow up with our own opinions. I think this is the reason why my mom always wanted us to go out of the house. On our own. So that we, can learn how to be independent.

The decision to study in Manila, for example, was not really one that I made on my own. Neither was it a decision that I wanted. It was, for the most part of it, my mother's decision. Her dream. But I do not regret it. I am even thankful. Because there I learned a lot of things. From me, from friends, from people, from strangers, from life itself. Because my life there is different from the one I have here. My life there is, a little less protected. And I sure love it. So much so that now, I feel the need for more, more, more.

I have lived for so many years in Manila. Once in a while, I would come back to Naga. And feel and see all the difference. Then I wonder, what more could possibly be out there? What more can this world possibly have for me? What more can I possibly experience and learn? Then I feel all excited and afraid.. but mostly, excited. I want. I want. I want.

For the past five years, I have learned a lot, as well as experienced a lot! Sew, eat fruits with knife and fork, do my own laundry, wake up when there are earthquakes, take care of myself when I'm having chills, commute to different places, walk distances, iron my own clothes, cook and prepare my own meals, wake up early, go to the doctor when I need to, stand up after falling from the FX, walk in the rain with no umbrella, accept ride from strangers out of desperation.. and so much more. Little things, not necessarily big but little things. Things that I doubt I would have ever learned had I not left the comfort of our house here in Naga which, I love. But I think.. I'm more in love with the idea that I am the one who is in control with my life. My rules. My life. My decisions. I make a mistake, so what?!? Nobody's to blame. They can laugh all they want with me. 'Coz that's the life I prefer to live. Funny. Imperfect. Crazy. Weird.

And this is why I want to go abroad and live on my own. To experience more things I can share with others. To experience more blunders, make mistakes, and bloopers that I can also share with others. And ultimately laugh at. 'Coz this is how I believe that I can make my life perfect. Through much imperfection and contentment. How bout chu?!?

Pescatarian.. daw!

Pesca-WTH!! got this word from my little sister. I didn't have any idea about what it was all about or even, that this word actually existed! Pescatarian. According to m-w.com is a person who is a vegetarian but whose diet includes fish! ah! who would have ever thought of that idea. Insane. Completely insane!

Naturally, this idea or concept or whatever you may call it is totally alien to me. Back then, I didn't really care much about the food that I ate. I see something, looks delish, then I eat it. I go to a party, see the food and ah! indulge!! When I used to live in my dorm, I learned how to eat even more kinds of food. Food. Food. Food. What would life be without food?!? I truly cannot imagine!

There were only very few kinds that I hated. Such as natural chicken, and some, if not most veggies! Healthy eating? Totally alien concept to my mind as much as it was to my body! Exercise? - nah, ah! no freaking way!! Diet?!? Believe me, I tried.. and failed.. a lot of time.. most of the time.. every time!!

But two years ago, when I stepped on the weighing scale and personally got freaked out by my weigh I decided to give it one more go. At that time, I was a little over 180 lbs. (or was it really just a little bit over?) I don't wanna know. So I decided to go on a diet. A diet of not eating rice. That, plus making some of my meals smaller.. and work.. and walking to work. Yes! I sacrificed taking a cab to work. And also, I started learning how to eat veggies. Ack!!

Now two years after, I hear this word and ah! it sounded like magic to me! I loved it, loved it, loved it!! I adored it, adored it, adored it, so much so that I wanted to try it right away just like that!! And so I told them.. "I am now going to be a pescatarian." Reaction: "yeah, right!" One week after, I found myself eating pork and beef. Two weeks after, I still wanted to be a pescatarian.. but still, still, still, ate all the pork and beef and whatever stuff I find myself with in the dinning table. Three weeks.. and still! the will is there.. I just know it's there. But it's quite a little bit hard.. esp. if you're like me.. who can eat chicken, chicken, chicken everyday. That, and pizza. And by pizza, I so don't mean those veggie pizza which I've never even tried!

But four weeks later, here I am. Finally, finally, learning how to control my craving for pork and beef. It's actually not so hard actually as I don't really like the two.. oh, except for that time when I shared a spoonful of beef lasagna with my sister. Or getting a few pieces of chicken skin from their plates whenever I see them eating chicken. Eck!! Temptation!! Will you ever go away from me?!? I don't know. But I sure do hope so!

So, this whole idea and concept of being a pescatarian.. hmm.. I am on my way to being it!! Ah! the beauty of being healthy! (yeah, I am still in the process of convincing myself!) but it's ok. I'm thinking.. if I am able to do this, to go on what will be the hardest battle of this new lifestyle that I want!! That is, to give up my addiction to.. junk food!! Ah, yes!! my one and only love!! Junk food. I'll go crazy without it! It is like my morning coffee!! I gotta have at least one or two in a day. Weird. I know. But who cares! This is my healthy. My lifestyle. My healthy lifestyle! My own interpretation of my being a pescatarian. After all, I don't think m-w.com ever, ever mentioned not eating junk food and chocolates there!! oh, yea!!

So how about you??? Wanna be my kind of pescatarian?!? haha..