back in Manila, I wanted to forget something. And so I told myself to focus. Focus on the more important things in life. Focus on what's ahead for me. Focus on anything, just not THAT particular thing. And so I gave myself an ultimatum. And boy did it manifest itself! As a result, I told myself, that once I go back home to Naga, everything about THAT thing needs to be gone. Erased. Forgotten. Period.
So I came home. And started anew. It has always been chill here in Naga. More so now because of all the festivities happening around me. As well as my future plans, of course. I resent dull times now. Because it is during these times when I once again allow my mind, involuntarily, to wander once more to THAT worthless thing!
But still I find myself confused. Because of the start of something new, something big, something perhaps I never really expected.
Back when I was still in college, I told myself, someday, I will have my own school. It's gonna be nice, it's gonna be big. The way I see it, it's fab!
A few years ago I graduated college. And worked immediately to gain experience. To learn the ropes from one of Manila's best preschools. And I will have to admit that I did learn a lot. So I stayed for 2 years I stayed, and observed everything they did. The right and the wrong, the good and the bad. Then I quit. Originally, to pursue my further studies to achieve my dream.
Then GBF came. And I promised my mom that after GBF, I was gonna pursue my studies and be right back on track. You see, GBF also offered an opportunity to live a dream. And so I got in and the rest is history.
In GBF, they required an ICARE. Something you will do upon your return from your studies in China. Mine was simple. I wanted to have my own school. Put in whatever I can get from CHina. And study to become a success. Well, maybe not in that particular order actually.
5 months in China passed and I came back. Came back and failed to follow up on my application for further studies. So my mom was furious. What was my plan. 1 month passed. Almost 2 now.
Somewhere in this time, Jen offered me an opportunity. A good opportunity. One that can make or break everything I have been dreaming of. I listened to it. Thought about it. Told my parents about it. Then finally agreed with it. Voila! Now I find myself all serious planning everything. Now I find myself so confused. But good confusion perhaps because at least now, it's not anymore about that good for nothing something!
Now I ask myself, is this really what I want? What if it fails? What if I can't make it? What if it all goes to nothing? What if, what if, what if..
But amidst all these, I also ask myself.. what if it succeeds? what if, I can make it after all? what if, the time for me is now? What if, this is the moment I have been waiting for.
And so I sleep every night with so much confusion, so much what-if's. And face each day thinking, trying, motivating myself. Because this time, I know I can't fail.
